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Why companies have stupid policies
Recently I had a great debate on the creation of a policy that many people really didn’t think was needed. It brought to my mind the age old question of “What the Heck do we need HR for anyway?” Now this is a thought that I have often held as well, even though I happen to have made my living being part of that oft derided group. Few people understand exactly why companies do what they do. Often ideas that seem to be great at the time take a good HR person to really screw it up, but they do so for a reason. Let’s walk you through a great idea to its eventual downfall in corporate life.
A manager thinks that his employees would be happier if they could listen to music as they work, so he informs his staff that they can play music at a reasonable level at their desk. There are 15 people in the office area and, because they interact with each other, they cannot use headphones. The employees love the idea (usually a warning sign in the mind of an HR person). So the next week employees begin to bring in their office mini-MP3 players. For the first three hours everyone is thrilled. By the end of the third week the following policy is released because…..well, it had be done.
ATTENTION ALL EMPLOYEES
RE: Office Music
RE: Office Music
Effective immediately, the following policy regarding personal office music (POM) shall be added to our standard employee guidelines. Due to the recent conflicts regarding employees and their POM, it has become necessary to establish standards whereby use of POM may be considered acceptable to a productive working environment.
Volume: Volume of your POM device shall not exceed audible levels which will allow hearing of your selected music beyond a range of 15 feet. If your song selected can be recognized by your manager beyond 25 feet, you will be considered to be in violation of this policy and you may be subject to disciplinary action, up to and including termination. Selections of a song outside of your manager’s area of knowledge, such as 16th Century Harpsichord melodies, do not have to be identified specifically. If your manager is capable of identifying the genre of the music within 35 feet, you will still be held in violation.
Style: Because of the variety of style preferences within the staff, it has been determined that discordant genres of music do not enhance the work location. Therefore song selection must be within the following guidelines:
Monday – Easy Listening – Given the stressful nature of Mondays, this style has been selected by management as the best way to start the week. Songs that carry a melody and tune which could effectively be heard in other locations (such as spa’s, elevators, maternity wards, and your therapist’s office) are usually acceptable. Selections must contain a BPM (beats per minute) of less than ten and no more than eleven. However, it must be noted that sleeping in your workspace is still not acceptable behavior. Persons found sleeping or listening to artists outside of this category (Tom Petty is not an easy listening artist) may be terminated.
Tuesday – Oldies – While is it difficult to define what an oldies song is given our wide range of ages represented in our diverse workforce, it is therefore necessary to classify this as any song which would have been played during the time your manager was 19 years old or younger. We realize that this may require management to disclose (with reasonable accuracy) their approximate year of birth; however, it must be noted that all female managers are 32 years old unless otherwise objected to.
Wednesday – Country – Special consideration must be taken regarding this category as there continues to be debate over what is “true country.” From the start of the work day till 11:59am, country tunes which would have been considered acceptable on Hee Haw (1970’s episodes only) or in such places as Dollywood shall be used. After the noon timeframe, any song which can be found on any country western radio channel is acceptable. To clarify, Folk Music, Dixie bands, and Olivia Newton John are not country, John Denver is. Playing Tom Petty or any other artist that at some point in their career looked like they came out of a country bar is a violation of policy.
Thursday – Classical – General rule of thumb is that any song originally composed before the founding of the United States would be acceptable. Remakes that do not utilize 70% of the instruments normally required to perform the originally authored piece do not apply. Barbara Streisand, ELO, Kansas (whether or not there is a violin used) and Tom Petty are “Classics” but not Classical. Special note: Jethro Tull may be played at any time.
Friday – Free Music Friday – It has long been noted that staff does little work after the 11:30am timeframe….so enjoy. Use of earplugs is authorized.
Open critiquing of music or criticizing another employees taste in music may create a Hostile Work Environment and, as such, any statements that may indicate your like or dislike of a particular, artist, band, genre, style, instrument, or lyrics may subject you to disciplinary action.
Dancing is prohibited in order to avoid potential violations of OSHA standards for the workplace. Injuries sustained from any attempts to perform (i.e. Air Guitar soloing from the top of the copier) in any manner any portion of a musical piece will not be covered by workers compensation.
This music policy does not circumvent our current company dress code. While we do appreciate artists like Lady Gaga (as we appreciate all manner of artists and their music) you may not dress like her….ever.
END OF POLICY
Now as many of you suspect, throw a good idea at 15 people and someone isn’t going to like it. Others will find a way to get around the system and bend the rules. As a result, we end up with a policy that is intended to manage the 5% who are wrecking it for the rest of us. The simplest solution would have been to force people who were uncooperative to listen to the companies “on hold” music for a week or at least reexamine the headphone usage policy. The end result was that no one was happy, HR was the scapegoat, and BOSE made a killing on their noise reduction headphones.
The good news is it could have been worse; they could have instituted Polka Fridays.
Copyright © 2010 Mike Baumgartner | HR | Consulting | Coach | Human Resources | Search - CEO, Worklife Survival Center LLC
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