As for me, I used to believe good employees never needed to fear corporate reductions since the company would never want to throw away talented people.  Ahh, from experience comes wisdom.  One week before the birth of my first son, I was informed my job was being eliminated. What was supposed to be the most wonderful experience of my life turned into nothing short of horrific panic. I told no one about losing my job; there was fear and stress enough with the coming of what would soon be the most emotionally significant experience in my life. Imagine lying to the mother of your child that all is well when you know things were far from that truth. On top of that, I was becoming the word I now live to hear each day… daddy. All the while knowing that income was going to stop and bills were going to grow.

What followed were the same things most of you looking for work have experienced: the emptiness of searching for a job, stretching what little dollars you have in order to provide, and dealing with rejection never-ending. I traveled the path that companies required of me. I submitted my resume. I interviewed on the phone. I traveled to dozens of corporate headquarters. I interviewed with multiple executives only to receive word that the position was not to be filled, or would be filled internally or by another candidate (who was cheaper), or, worse, I didn’t hear anything at all.  Doubts crept into my mind and, unfortunately, the minds of my family. What was I doing wrong? Was I saying the wrong things in interviews? Was my resume not worded correctly? What did I do that prevented me from getting enough people to like me well enough to get a job?

Friends and industry colleagues dispensed support via the usual excuses.  “It’s not you; there are hundreds of people competing for your job.” “They want to save money so they are not hiring at your level.” “You’re over qualified….” Blah, blah, blah. The fact is every job I wanted to get I didn’t and it hurt. It changed the way I started to look at the job search. I analyzed the companies I spoke with, tried to become what they wanted me to be. If they needed analytical, I became analytical. If they needed big-picture, I became big-picture. If they wanted a tough cold decision maker, I played the part in the interview. As an actor, I knew how to play the part, put on the costume, and be whatever the interviewer wanted to see. It was fake and I knew it.  And I still couldn’t find the job needed to take care of my family.

Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. I prayed, wept, and scavenged for something, anything to make sure my family ate and stayed out of the elements. It was at this low that my dear sister, known for her blunt, incredibly honest observations, explained it all to me in one simple but defining phrase. “Be paisley.”

She went on to explain that I have always had a large collection of friends and have never had a problem with being liked; but that friendship required people to like who I was. “Its like paisley,” she said. “Not everyone likes paisley. In fact, lots of people hate paisley. Mike, you’re paisley and you need to find a place where paisley is liked.  And you need to not be afraid to be paisley.”

With that comment came a simple truth.  It’s not about the resume (although it’s critical). It’s not about the interview (although that’s critical too). It’s not often about fitting the job (a fact I already knew too well). It’s about being you and finding people who like you enough to trust you with a job.

Now a short disclaimer: Yes, I have heard all the theories about knowing yourself, loving yourself, cultural fit with company philosophy, alignment to competencies, and progressive emotional development into dynamic workplace cultures. Heck, as an HR executive, I drove all that stuff down the throats of many an operations manager - and much of it is necessary - but most of it is crap designed by HR people who need to justify their existence and not get laid off. (Note how well that works for HR people during the next layoff you see.)

The bottom line is: I have never heard a manager tell me to hire a person because “His skills exceed the qualifications of all submitted candidates.” What I always heard was “Hire this person.  I like him/her.”

Let that sink in. “I like this guy.  Hire him.”

In today’s economy, companies are adding levels to the hiring process. It is not unusual for a company to have you interview with 10 or more people. It only takes one to derail your candidacy. Companies are terrified of hiring someone who doesn’t fit (read: makes people uncomfortable) because the cost of a bad hire is incredibly high. Getting ten people to like you in a single day is like jumping off a ten story building, grabbing a brass ring at each floor on the way down.

You will never be liked by everyone because you will never know what type person you are talking to. Heck, even the simplest of personality assessments like the Myers Briggs Type Indicator breaks people into 16 different buckets. This is why the best executive recruiters spend most of their time knowing who you are going to interview with and then teaching you to interact with those personalities because they will determine if you get a job or not.

I decided to be paisley. I contacted everyone I knew who liked paisley (me). I asked them who they thought would like paisley (me).  I then contacted them and asked them what companies were looking for paisley (me). When I went to an interview, I told them “I am paisley!” Ok, not in those words exactly, but I told them what made me unique, different, talented (in a paisley way) and that, although they might not like paisley (me), they needed me because “Everyone needs paisley.”

That discovery changed my job search experience.  I had interviews and offers and jobs come at me faster than any period in my life. I had people describe me as a “what you see is what you get” person without any pretense or intention to be someone else.  It truly made a difference.  Of course you have to be on your game, you have to be knowledgeable, resourceful, determined, all of those things any company wants in a candidate but, at the end of the experience, they want to like who you are. So realize that not everyone will like you. That’s ok because you will never like all of them either. Know who you are and become that person. It’s a lot easier than being what you think people expect you to be.

My sister sent a red paisley fedora for my birthday.  I love it. I don’t wear it outside because….well, it’s paisley (and who wears paisley?).  My son wears it, though; he is a whole different kind of paisley (he may even be a plaid).  But I keep it in my office and it keeps me honest. It keeps me paisley.