Consider a room full of Directors all reviewing the performance of their managers. They are setting goals, establishing development plans, and comtemplating who are on the fast track to promotion and who will need coaching. (BTW, “coaching” is typically a code word for "You’re out the door in 90 days unless you discover your job is more than surfing YouTube for the next great dancing cat video.") Inevitably, there is always one Human Resource person whose only goal is to constantly remind the Directors that this exercise is a bit more serious than some of HR's other initiatives, like revising the dress code and determining if the employee recognition party should have an open bar. (Which for HR job security, the best answer is yes.  Think about it.)

Inevitably during this review of managers, some poor and usually long tenured leader will be evaluated as “not ready for promotion” because of some single significant flaw. They are “too friendly with employees”, they “have an attitude”, they “don't handle stress well”, or some other reason they continue to be passed over for consideration. That we don't work with these people to get them past this hurdle is bad enough. That the people who are making these judgments are equally as guilty of these flaws is almost comical. I remember one particular manager who was being passed over for a promotion because she would get very curt and abrupt with people when she was having a bad day. When I pointed out that a certain VP had the very same flaw - a flaw, by the way, that people seemed to admire as being frank and driven during crisis - I was told, "That's just Fred".

I hear this a lot. The excuse for difficult behavior in the employees we like is, "That's just the way they are" and we accept it because they are on our favored employee list. But if you are not on that list, the same behavior is considered a stumbling block. For me, I am very friendly with employees. I get to know them, chat with them, and make sure they are ok in both work and home. But I cannot tell you how many managers are not promoted because they are “too friendly with their team”. Ignoring that their performance statistics and their respect amongst the people they lead is off the charts; management sees selective flaws and latches onto them with irrational abandon.

So now I spend my time during such reviews pointing out the obvious. When a director known for being really bad at managing people begins to make the call that one of her managers has lousy people skills, I will be the first to point out how other people have been promoted while disregarding these points. I am the first to say, "If that is not acceptable in one employee, how is it acceptable in another?” The answer will always be the same, "That's just the way they are". This sentence has for too long been the start of a good excuse for bad behavior. Most of the time it is not behavior that is so bad you end up on a performance improvement plan, but it is bad enough that an excuse is needed to defend some part of who you are. We essentially have categorized the behavior as one of those "You just have to deal with it" categories that seem to increase as you climb the ladder of success. I say this because it always seems that the standards for the way people are treated decay as you get higher up in an organization. Many a CEO has been known for their ability to rule by terror, threat, and fear. All traits for which we would fire most entry level employees.  Go figure

I tell you this not because pointing out these things is a good career move. It isn't. I tell you this because you are human, as is everyone you work for (at least that’s what I think everyone around me is; however, some of the people in marketing… never mind). The point is, everyone is unique..."That's just the way you are".

But you need to know what everyone around you means when they say, "That's just (insert your name)", and if it's a stumbling block, you need to work on it. If you accept that reputation, then you should not hold it against someone else and you cannot excuse it in yourself while not permitting it in others. We are all unique, we are all flawed, and the great simple wonderful truth is... "That's just how we are".