Your boss looks at you like you are child told for the twenty seventh time not to pick your nose and says in a less than mentoring fashion, “This is not what I asked for!” Your mind goes numb trying to figure out which of you experienced a massive brain bleed between the time you discussed the project and today all the while knowing that even if you try to explain that what your boss asked for is exactly what he got, you cannot possibly prevail in creating a positive moment.

 

You probably try to explain to your increasingly annoyed boss what you thought he wanted . This only makes the situation worse because he proceeds to tells you “That is what I want, but that’s not what you gave me.” (in a tone that implies that you are number one on the next reduction list)

 

 And the nightmare continues…..

 

The bottom line is that what you heard and what your boss said might as well have been communicated in two different languages, because in this situation (and frankly in most situations where conflict occurs) people assume we are all wired the same. There are lots of big fancy words for what I call “Type Dynamics” but much of it started with the research of Carl Jung. He came up with the theory that people were wired differently but that there was some level of commonality in certain groups. It was kind of like the way we assume people behave according to their zodiac except it has nothing to do with when you were born. This concept initially was percieved as valid as the Beastie Boys were considered the next Beatles but unlike the Beastie Boys, people actually grew to understand its implications. The result? Many people made buckets of money with this theory because they developed every conceivable assessment possible in order to give you an idea of what “Type” of person you were. The most well known is the Meyers Briggs Type Indicator, and without going into a huge dissertation as to why it is so valuable even today, all I can say it that it has saved many an organization from implosion. Why? Because many of these assessments help explain why two people can look at the same problem and come up with two completely different solutions.

 

In a simple example ask three people you know this question. “Would you fire a 63 year old buggy whip designer, if the company you worked for was losing money?”

 

With an equal mix of personality types, half would vote to terminate the employee because it is the LOGICAL thing to do and the other half would vote to keep the person until they retired because it was the RIGHT thing to do. Thinking in terms of true/false is not the same thing as thinking in terms of fair/unfair. That is just one part of the decision process. In Meyers Briggs there are 16 types of people, each making decisions according to their wiring. (And you thought the whole men from Mars, women from Venus thing was a clever analogy – it’s all about type dynamics)

 

So the short answer to the problem with your boss is not that he is an idiot (usually). Your boss sees the world differently than you and it’s not his responsibility to understand you. It is your responsibility to understand him. You must become the translator. You must learn how your manager thinks, how he perceives information, and how he prefers to be communicated. The best way to learn this is to find out who already has figured this out. Although it couldn’t hurt, I don’t expect you to say to your boss “Who reads your mind the best?”  You can ask “who is the person who most is in sync with your way of thinking?” Send your presentations to peers who have learned how your boss likes information presented. Let them teach you the language of the company and you will eventually figure it out.

 

It also wouldn’t hurt to understand how you see the world. Taking some developmental personality type assessments can’t hurt you and you might learn something along the way. (Like why your extroverted spouse has to talk to introverted you as soon as you get home, when all you want is a coke and a smile) The key thing to remember is that there really is no normal personality type and each type is neither right nor wrong. Most television comedy is completely based on the differences in people’s personality set in unusual circumstances and the term stereotype is rooted in this as well.

 

So all is not lost, you are not crazy and fortunately neither is your manager. You just speak different languages and see the world from opposite ends. Sure it would be easier if everyone marched to your drummer, but the unfortunate fact is… the one who approves your paycheck is also paying the musician.